He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
