FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize