It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
