Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
did you just send me my own nude
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
