And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
