my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
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I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
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Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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