This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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