Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
