literally had 100 drinks last night.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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