I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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