I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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