You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
