grandma shit on top of the toilet
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
