I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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