a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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