I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
