brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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