Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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