Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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