Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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