so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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