so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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