shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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