omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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