And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
