Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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