Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
