I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
