do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
