Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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