im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
