Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
