this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
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cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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