Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
