She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
