how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
