just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
