I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
