So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize