fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
