so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
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