we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
