gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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