Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
40s are totally the cure
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
