I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
