your thong is hanging out like whoa
there's paper in my vomit.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
