I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.