Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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