Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize