Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
