You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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