so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
