i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
