my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
