and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
