exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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