My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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