you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
