for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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