Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
