i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
