Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
