Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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