your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
