Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
