so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
