fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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