I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize