We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
