wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
