and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
