I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
