I cannot find my penis.
I think I am morally bankrupt
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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