I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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