I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
