forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize