Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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