Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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