At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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