don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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