also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
