I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
