Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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