Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
