instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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