now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
